Still Struggling

[Zach Schnitzer]

6 hours ago, wbbfan said:

It’s soo important to take time and acknowledge these issues. It’s stuff people don’t even think about too often. The 01 loss hit me soo hard and a few times since I’ve had to step away. 
 

I was watching a video today on 3rd places. Basically your home is 1 and work is 2. The 3rd place is a low cost or free place like a local pub or coffee shop where you hang out and mingle out side of your 1 and 2 groups. 
 With the mass suburbanization of North America a lot of places have lost that 3rd place. It’s hard to have a community area when the community is an endless sea of replicant houses. 
 

I think for me and a lot of people here the bombers and this forum is a 3rd place or the only 3rd place. So when the team is in the dumps or we suffer a tough loss it effects people a lot more emotionally and in terms of mental health than any one on the out side would ever think. 
 

the seasonal nature of our game makes it hard too. The off-season is long and dark. I think the last few years with regular threads on greatest teams and players has helped that a lot. 
 

Just because we lost and it’s the off season doesn’t mean this isn’t a 3rd place. Maybe we need a vent thread or one just focusing on all the good things this team has going. 
 

 I know a lot of the efforts you’ve put in zach has meant a lot to some of the young remote bomber fans, even though you struggle, you’re helping a lot of people and the cause it self. Keep on keepin on bud. You’ve done soo much and come soo far in a short time. I can’t wait to see where you have risen in a couple years. 

Thanks so much my friend. I love what you’ve said about our third place. It’s so true. This forum and the Bombers community is definitely mine as well. Cheers buddy. 

1 hour ago, wpgallday1960 said:

My deepest sympathies to those suffering from depression and are struggling with the GC loss.

However, I was pissed at the way we lost but not really despondent.  It’s been a good 3 years overall.  I actually slept like a baby Sunday and Monday night.  I’ve learned in my 62 years on this big ball not to take sports that seriously.  It is after all, entertainment.

I get that. For me it’s much more than entertainment. It’s family, it’s my lifestyle. Everything surrounds the Blue. At the same time, I try to remember that it’s about the great relationships I’ve gained, not the wins and losses, as much as the latter hurt badly. 

[Arnold_Palmer]

It’s been hard me and my partner of 7 years broke up in September. Football is something I love deeply, I started a new career the same month that requires a lot of extra circulars outside of work hours; with courses to keep me busy to take my mind off things. I’ve buried myself into my work, and going to the gym in the evenings to try and get over it, nothing quite comforts me more then watching the Bombers play and to an extent the Jets play. As horrible of a feeling it was to lose in so thankful for every game I got to watch, every day I got to take my mind off and talk football with you fine folk, and most importantly I’m thankful for 2019 and 2021, the first two Grey cups of my entire life time. It’s sad that football season is over but as crushed as I am I can see the light and the good from it, as things slow down around here and there’s less courses and work to do I’ll have to confront my realization the love of my life and myself aren’t together but I want to let you guys know it’s been great to have this message board and the Bombers during these tough times. Sorry if this was all over the place I just wanted to speak my truth without going back to it before I lost my train of thoughts. 

[Noeller]

24 minutes ago, Arnold_Palmer said:

It’s been hard me and my partner of 7 years broke up in September. Football is something I love deeply, I started a new career the same month that requires a lot of extra circulars outside of work hours; with courses to keep me busy to take my mind off things. I’ve buried myself into my work, and going to the gym in the evenings to try and get over it, nothing quite comforts me more then watching the Bombers play and to an extent the Jets play. As horrible of a feeling it was to lose in so thankful for every game I got to watch, every day I got to take my mind off and talk football with you fine folk, and most importantly I’m thankful for 2019 and 2021, the first two Grey cups of my entire life time. It’s sad that football season is over but as crushed as I am I can see the light and the good from it, as things slow down around here and there’s less courses and work to do I’ll have to confront my realization the love of my life and myself aren’t together but I want to let you guys know it’s been great to have this message board and the Bombers during these tough times. Sorry if this was all over the place I just wanted to speak my truth without going back to it before I lost my train of thoughts. 

Don't ever apologize. It is incredibly helpful to "write it all down" and get it out there. 

I have zero issues talking about this stuff and just hope it's helpful to others. 

When my depression and anxiety are at their worst, my sleep goes to **** and everything gets even worse. I was nearly suicidal once a couple of years ago, and thankfully got help. About 5 or 6 weeks ago, I fell into that hole again but thankfully not quite as deep. I knew I needed help, but wasn't AS bad. Still, it required a weeks stay in hospital to keep an eye on me and make sure we got things back on track. 

The reason I bring this up is because this message board (and a group chat on FB with my best friends) kept me going through some dark times. I'm so appreciative of all the people here (yes, even TBurg and TB4E...) and the conversations every day!! 

[Zach Schnitzer]

8 hours ago, Noeller said:

Don't ever apologize. It is incredibly helpful to "write it all down" and get it out there. 

I have zero issues talking about this stuff and just hope it's helpful to others. 

When my depression and anxiety are at their worst, my sleep goes to **** and everything gets even worse. I was nearly suicidal once a couple of years ago, and thankfully got help. About 5 or 6 weeks ago, I fell into that hole again but thankfully not quite as deep. I knew I needed help, but wasn't AS bad. Still, it required a weeks stay in hospital to keep an eye on me and make sure we got things back on track. 

The reason I bring this up is because this message board (and a group chat on FB with my best friends) kept me going through some dark times. I'm so appreciative of all the people here (yes, even TBurg and TB4E...) and the conversations every day!! 

Thanks for sharing @NoellerI was in the hospital this summer. For the second time in my life. Saved my life and now on the right meds and path. Glad we’re talking about this stuff. 

[Bubba Zanetti]

11 hours ago, Noeller said:

Don't ever apologize. It is incredibly helpful to "write it all down" and get it out there. 

I have zero issues talking about this stuff and just hope it's helpful to others. 

When my depression and anxiety are at their worst, my sleep goes to **** and everything gets even worse. I was nearly suicidal once a couple of years ago, and thankfully got help. About 5 or 6 weeks ago, I fell into that hole again but thankfully not quite as deep. I knew I needed help, but wasn't AS bad. Still, it required a weeks stay in hospital to keep an eye on me and make sure we got things back on track. 

The reason I bring this up is because this message board (and a group chat on FB with my best friends) kept me going through some dark times. I'm so appreciative of all the people here (yes, even TBurg and TB4E...) and the conversations every day!! 

[GCn20]

13 hours ago, 17to85 said:

Have y'all just tried not being crazy?

That's what my wife says to me....go figure. 

[Pickle Rick]

This loss is miniscule for me personally compared to 07, which I try not to even think about.  That one hit different.

I was lucky enough to be there in person to see the Bombers win last year in Hamilton. My heart goes out to all that travelled to Regina this year, and especially those who are struggling.

Just a note, I saw the 58-62 run mentioned in another thread, in 1960, the year we didn't win --we didn't even make it to the Cup, we had a 14-2 regular season record, the best in franchise history until this year. We're right on schedule for another back to back.

Edited November 24, 2022 by Pickle Rick

[Wideleft]

I used to take sports way, way too seriously and then about 25 years ago happened on a video essay by Ian Ross discussing the concept of Bread and Circuses.  I cannot find it unfortunately, but here is a good summary of the concept:

 

The idea that people can be pacified by food and entertainment when they should be rallying to their prescribed civic duties isn't a new one. In fact, the concept was first described in ancient times by the satirical Roman poet Juvenal, who penned the Latin term panem et circenses, which means "bread and circuses."

 

"Two things only the people anxiously desire -- bread and circuses," he wrote, lamenting the failure of citizens to take action as the democratic Roman Republic fell and the heavy-handed Roman Empire began.

Within a mere 100 years, Rome underwent massive governmental changes. What in 133 B.C.E. was a free republic that relied on a voting populace and an assembly system morphed into an embittered autocracy by the first century C.E. [source: Beard].

Thus, Juvenal's term, "bread and circuses" went viral, used by scores of people -- then and now -- to describe people who voluntarily trade their democratic freedoms in exchange for stable-yet-controlling government.

Back then, the Roman government kept the Roman people pacified by offering them free food and rousing entertainment in the Roman Colosseum. Now, "bread and circuses" applies to any civic or governmental entity -- or any situation, really -- in which the masses willingly accept short-term solutions to ease their discontent.

So, essentially sports is and has been used to distract us from what's really important in our lives.  That's not to say that we shouldn't allow ourselves to be distracted, but we have to recognize it for the distraction that it is.  As someone who takes the world far too seriously (and also suffers from depression) I struggle with thirsting to know everything I can about why things are the way they are.  I appreciate the excitement of sport, the beauty of music and great stories (whether they be delivered in a book or by a television show or movie) if only to remember what it's like to feel something.  That being said, those feelings are fleeting - perhaps by necessity - because I still try to care about the truly important things we all can get distracted from.

 

 

[JohnnyAbonny]

To be honest guys, this year stings but it doesn’t even come close to 2001 or 07. 

2019 was very special, in that I got to see a cup win with my Dad. 
My Grandfather was one of the biggest Bomber fans. He and my Dad had a tough relationship at times but they always bonded over the Bombers. Granddad passed away in 1983, I could always tell it broke my Dads heart that they didn’t see 1984 together.

I saw so many parallels during the drought, can’t describe how badly I wanted to see that 2019 victory with the old man. 
Not to mention seeing a guy I’ve known since nursery school (AH) helping end Winnipeg’s drought..So many special aspects of that win. 

2021 was both the hardest and best year of my life.

We had twins in September of that year, and unfortunately we lost one of my baby girls to heart disease at 3 weeks. After all the grief, and sleepless nights of raising a newborn, our family experiencing another cup win at that particular time..So grateful for that distraction. Seeing my Dad holding his granddaughter while watching the final OT play was another all time life moment. 

I try to keep all this in mind after this past one. Saying “I have perspective” is inaccurate. I’m still busted up over the team losing, but unlike 01 and 07 I’m not dwelling on it all winter. 
Again, thank you guys, especially @Zach Schnitzer and @Noeller Just remember when you’re down, you’re NEVER the only one. I’m sure you all have support in your real lives, but my PMs are always open if anyone here is suffering. 
 

[Jesse]

19 minutes ago, Wideleft said:

I used to take sports way, way too seriously and then about 25 years ago happened on a video essay by Ian Ross discussing the concept of Bread and Circuses.  I cannot find it unfortunately, but here is a good summary of the concept:

 

The idea that people can be pacified by food and entertainment when they should be rallying to their prescribed civic duties isn't a new one. In fact, the concept was first described in ancient times by the satirical Roman poet Juvenal, who penned the Latin term panem et circenses, which means "bread and circuses."

 

"Two things only the people anxiously desire -- bread and circuses," he wrote, lamenting the failure of citizens to take action as the democratic Roman Republic fell and the heavy-handed Roman Empire began.

Within a mere 100 years, Rome underwent massive governmental changes. What in 133 B.C.E. was a free republic that relied on a voting populace and an assembly system morphed into an embittered autocracy by the first century C.E. [source: Beard].

Thus, Juvenal's term, "bread and circuses" went viral, used by scores of people -- then and now -- to describe people who voluntarily trade their democratic freedoms in exchange for stable-yet-controlling government.

Back then, the Roman government kept the Roman people pacified by offering them free food and rousing entertainment in the Roman Colosseum. Now, "bread and circuses" applies to any civic or governmental entity -- or any situation, really -- in which the masses willingly accept short-term solutions to ease their discontent.

So, essentially sports is and has been used to distract us from what's really important in our lives.  That's not to say that we shouldn't allow ourselves to be distracted, but we have to recognize it for the distraction that it is.  As someone who takes the world far too seriously (and also suffers from depression) I struggle with thirsting to know everything I can about why things are the way they are.  I appreciate the excitement of sport, the beauty of music and great stories (whether they be delivered in a book or by a television show or movie) if only to remember what it's like to feel something.  That being said, those feelings are fleeting - perhaps by necessity - because I still try to care about the truly important things we all can get distracted from.

 

 

That's a fine line to walk - the more you know, the more realize realize how corrupt and terrible the world is and how little power we have to do anything to do about it. I've never been more mentally fragile than I was during covid and 90% of my time was spent reading the news and people commenting about virus this, masking that.

My wife and I talk about staying in our bubble. Be good people, raise our children to be good people. Hope to leave more positive impacts than we do negative. 

[Zach Schnitzer]

22 minutes ago, Wideleft said:

I used to take sports way, way too seriously and then about 25 years ago happened on a video essay by Ian Ross discussing the concept of Bread and Circuses.  I cannot find it unfortunately, but here is a good summary of the concept:

 

The idea that people can be pacified by food and entertainment when they should be rallying to their prescribed civic duties isn't a new one. In fact, the concept was first described in ancient times by the satirical Roman poet Juvenal, who penned the Latin term panem et circenses, which means "bread and circuses."

 

"Two things only the people anxiously desire -- bread and circuses," he wrote, lamenting the failure of citizens to take action as the democratic Roman Republic fell and the heavy-handed Roman Empire began.

Within a mere 100 years, Rome underwent massive governmental changes. What in 133 B.C.E. was a free republic that relied on a voting populace and an assembly system morphed into an embittered autocracy by the first century C.E. [source: Beard].

Thus, Juvenal's term, "bread and circuses" went viral, used by scores of people -- then and now -- to describe people who voluntarily trade their democratic freedoms in exchange for stable-yet-controlling government.

Back then, the Roman government kept the Roman people pacified by offering them free food and rousing entertainment in the Roman Colosseum. Now, "bread and circuses" applies to any civic or governmental entity -- or any situation, really -- in which the masses willingly accept short-term solutions to ease their discontent.

So, essentially sports is and has been used to distract us from what's really important in our lives.  That's not to say that we shouldn't allow ourselves to be distracted, but we have to recognize it for the distraction that it is.  As someone who takes the world far too seriously (and also suffers from depression) I struggle with thirsting to know everything I can about why things are the way they are.  I appreciate the excitement of sport, the beauty of music and great stories (whether they be delivered in a book or by a television show or movie) if only to remember what it's like to feel something.  That being said, those feelings are fleeting - perhaps by necessity - because I still try to care about the truly important things we all can get distracted from.

 

 

Thanks for sharing this. Very interesting! I would agree with a lot of this. I guess for me, and for many Bombers fans, while it’s a distraction, it’s also a meaningful community. We feel connected to the players, coaches and staff who are mourning big time. The Bombers make us very much part of the team and regarding civic duty, the club does so much in the community. Anyway not discounting your post. It’s super interesting and helpful. 

[Wideleft]

9 minutes ago, Jesse said:

That's a fine line to walk - the more you know, the more realize realize how corrupt and terrible the world is and how little power we have to do anything to do about it. I've never been more mentally fragile than I was during covid and 90% of my time was spent reading the news and people commenting about virus this, masking that.

My wife and I talk about staying in our bubble. Be good people, raise our children to be good people. Hope to leave more positive impacts than we do negative. 

I should add that my interests go well beyond just "finding out why things are they way they are" and into pursuing stories about people and organizations that are succeeding in making the world a better place.  Without the extra step, I'd be doomed and so would my kids.

Edited November 24, 2022 by Wideleft

[Wideleft]

20 minutes ago, Zach Schnitzer said:

Thanks for sharing this. Very interesting! I would agree with a lot of this. I guess for me, and for many Bombers fans, while it’s a distraction, it’s also a meaningful community. We feel connected to the players, coaches and staff who are mourning big time. The Bombers make us very much part of the team and regarding civic duty, the club does so much in the community. Anyway not discounting your post. It’s super interesting and helpful. 

I think it's important to find a sense of fellowship and community. 

The reality is that the community itself does not and should not rely on the outcome of a game.

[Zach Schnitzer]

3 minutes ago, Wideleft said:

I think it's important to find a sense of fellowship and community. 

The reality is that the community itself does not and should not rely on the outcome of a game.

For sure! That’s part of my coping is that while I let myself grieve the loss it’s about much more than winning and losing. It’s challenging the first few days and then it comes. at the end of the day it’s about family and friends and supporting a good cause. Winning is gravy. 

[bluto]

I get it, Bros.

Take your time with it and by the time we're approaching free agency and drafts and having a few juicy comings & goings stories in the off season, your thirst for the new challenge of 2023 will pull you onward. It's the love that will bring you back. Winning is great, winning Championships is epic but it is the love of your team and of our game that makes me utterly doubtless that the prospect of a new season of the CFL and Bomberball will embolden you all, once more to risk your feelings by investing a not insignificant part of yourself in the fortunes of your team.

You are the Bombers. That's why it can hurt so bad.

I say this as someone who routinely is met with puzzlement, laughter, indifference and sometimes hostility because I am an Argonaut and I could never be anything else.

 

Lots of food for thought in this thread. Thanks everyone. Particularly the part which @wbbfan added about the ways that we identify ourselves and partition aspects of our psyches into 1,2,3 or more parcels really gave me a "pause and consider" moment.

 

[Tracker]

The reality is that we become involved with sports teams as an escape and become emotionally invested in them -some of us obsessively so. When our personal lives become emmeshed with our teams or individuals, we enter a grey, potentially unbalanced state of mind. We follow our heroes for the drama- the soaring highs, the crashing lows and yes, the tensions. Our sports and even political attachments are often analogues for our lives and that is all well and good so long as we do not cross the line from entertainment into obsession. The sense of continuity and community that sports can offer can carry us through rough times and have value as long as we do not let the "us vs them" attitude does not become pathological.

[GCn20]

1 hour ago, bluto said:

I get it, Bros.

Take your time with it and by the time we're approaching free agency and drafts and having a few juicy comings & goings stories in the off season, your thirst for the new challenge of 2023 will pull you onward. It's the love that will bring you back. Winning is great, winning Championships is epic but it is the love of your team and of our game that makes me utterly doubtless that the prospect of a new season of the CFL and Bomberball will embolden you all, once more to risk your feelings by investing a not insignificant part of yourself in the fortunes of your team.

You are the Bombers. That's why it can hurt so bad.

I say this as someone who routinely is met with puzzlement, laughter, indifference and sometimes hostility because I am an Argonaut and I could never be anything else.

 

Lots of food for thought in this thread. Thanks everyone. Particularly the part which @wbbfan added about the ways that we identify ourselves and partition aspects of our psyches into 1,2,3 or more parcels really gave me a "pause and consider" moment.

 

Last week you were the enemy Bluto....sorry for the rough ride you got when you came here last week. lol. Congrats on your team winning.

1 hour ago, Tracker said:

The reality is that we become involved with sports teams as an escape and become emotionally invested in them -some of us obsessively so. When our personal lives become emmeshed with our teams or individuals, we enter a grey, potentially unbalanced state of mind. We follow our heroes for the drama- the soaring highs, the crashing lows and yes, the tensions. Our sports and even political attachments are often analogues for our lives and that is all well and good so long as we do not cross the line from entertainment into obsession. The sense of continuity and community that sports can offer can carry us through rough times and have value as long as we do not let the "us vs them" attitude does not become pathological.

I pathologically hate the Riders though....darn...

[bearpants]

Thanks for the article @Zach Schnitzer... good read and I identified with a lot going on there.

This one definitely hurt more... because it wasn't juts a loss, or even just a championship loss... it was a loss on what would've been an historic win.... and all compiled by the fact that despite playing a below average, the Bombers had the ball in their hands and a very good chance to take home the win... this version of the Bomber gets it done in those situations... so, to see it not happen... just hit so much harder.... I keep telling people "I honestly wish I could care less"... but I know I can't

I consider myself fortunate I don't struggle with mental health the way some do... but I also didn't couldn't sleep much Sunday night... and while this loss isn't hurting me too much 4 days later... I still can't help but replay that final drive in my head over and over and wonder where it went wrong  

[bluto]

1 hour ago, GCn20 said:

Last week you were the enemy Bluto....sorry for the rough ride you got when you came here last week. lol. Congrats on your team winning.

Thanks and no need to apologize. I knew what forum I was posting in.

[greenrider55]

Much respect to all the people putting their mental health issues out there. I myself struggle with anxiety/depression every day. It’s an important dialogue to leave open, especially among the male population.

Last year when the Bombers beat the Riders in the WF, I was quite sad, and felt numb. I did question to myself why I was letting the outcome of a game I had no control over upset me so much, but as others have echoed here, our teams really do become a part of our identity.

If anyone, and I mean this, ever needs a place to vent about mental health, anything like that, please DM me. I work with a mental health support group specifically for men, and would be happy to help. 

[BaconNBigBlue]

I used to get very upset, just ask anyone in a group game with me on Xbox Live, but as I've aged I've mellowed considerably.  Sure seeing the Bomber lose was heart breaking, but for me it was a temporary thing.  During the game, I've flip on the ref for missing an obvious call, or the command center for again screwing the Bombers, only to have the wife come and close the den door to lessen the sound of my shouting.  For me a couple minutes or hours later I'm over it.  I have other things that occupy my mind.  I work with a guy that really seems to struggle with things, not sports related, and I've had to talk him off the ledge a few times.  Everyone deals differently with mental illness but please please never think you have to deal with it alone.  There are resources everywhere to help https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html. 

 

Just pick up a phone and call.  Hell even email me if you need to vent.

 

[GCn20]

1 hour ago, greenrider55 said:

Much respect to all the people putting their mental health issues out there. I myself struggle with anxiety/depression every day. It’s an important dialogue to leave open, especially among the male population.

Last year when the Bombers beat the Riders in the WF, I was quite sad, and felt numb. I did question to myself why I was letting the outcome of a game I had no control over upset me so much, but as others have echoed here, our teams really do become a part of our identity.

If anyone, and I mean this, ever needs a place to vent about mental health, anything like that, please DM me. I work with a mental health support group specifically for men, and would be happy to help. 

Awesome man, I wish all Rider fans were like you. That is not to say that there aren't more, they just aren't the ones we hear from and don't sweat your team too much, they have a committed fan base and the money to turn things around once they get their heads out of their butt. Realistically, the Bombers and Riders are head and shoulder above all the teams in the league in their ability to be competitive year in and year out. Like anything else it just takes the right people at the top.

Edited November 24, 2022 by GCn20

[Tracker]

6 minutes ago, GCn20 said:

Awesome man, I wish all Rider fans were like you. That is not to say that there aren't more, they just aren't the ones we hear from and don't sweat your team too much, they have a committed fan base and the money to turn things around once they get their heads out of their butt. Realistically, the Bombers and Riders are head and shoulder above all the teams in the league in their ability to be competitive year in and year out. Like anything else it just takes the right people at the top.

The problem with both fan bases and political bases is that the most rabid followers tend to be not only the most noticeable but the most objectionable and drown out out the moderates.

[GCJenks]

1 hour ago, BaconNBigBlue said:

I used to get very upset, just ask anyone in a group game with me on Xbox Live, but as I've aged I've mellowed considerably.  Sure seeing the Bomber lose was heart breaking, but for me it was a temporary thing.  During the game, I've flip on the ref for missing an obvious call, or the command center for again screwing the Bombers, only to have the wife come and close the den door to lessen the sound of my shouting.  For me a couple minutes or hours later I'm over it.  I have other things that occupy my mind.  I work with a guy that really seems to struggle with things, not sports related, and I've had to talk him off the ledge a few times.  Everyone deals differently with mental illness but please please never think you have to deal with it alone.  There are resources everywhere to help https://www.canada.ca/en/public-health/services/mental-health-services/mental-health-get-help.html. 

 

Just pick up a phone and call.  Hell even email me if you need to vent.

 

I'm so relieved that our 211 phone service isn't the disaster that 311 is.

 

[johnzo]

this is a great conversation.  like a lot of others, I've got my own emotional / mental health things to deal with.  all best to all those who struggle.